WWE RAW REPORT: DEL RIO MAKES HIS BIG ANNOUNCEMENT; THE RAW RUMBLE DETERMINES WHO FACES MIZ AT ELIMINATION CHAMBER AND WHO ENTERS THE CHAMBER; WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE LAWLER, COLE, AND THE BELLAS DOING COMMENTARY; WHO WANTS A DANCE OFF?; ARE TED AND MARYSE SPLITSVILLE? DO WE CARE?; ORTON ‘PULLING A CENA’ AND GOING AFTER NEXUS
By Richard Trionfo on 2011-01-31 23:05:00
We are live from Providence, Rhode Island and your announcers are Jerry ‘When do I get to point at the Wrestlemania Sign’ Lawler and Michael Tingle Time’ Cole.
We start off with the man who made the Royal Rumble so much fun at the end of the match, Ricardo Rodriguez. Ricardo introduces the man who outlasted thirty-eight other men and a superhero, Alberto Del Rio. Ricardo is followed to the ring by a mariachi band.
Alberto tells the band to stop so he can address the people of Providence. Alberto reminds us who he is, but we already knew that. Alberto says that the people never listen. He says that he told everyone it was his destiny to win the Royal Rumble, but they did not listen. Ricardo tells them that they never listen and he told them. Alberto says that tonight we are going to celebrate him. He says that he is going to headline Wrestlemania as he points at the sign.
Even though the people do not deserve it, he hired the best mariachi in Mexico. They only play for the Mexican President and him. He says that this is not Justin Bieber music, it is real music.
Alberto has something important to tell everyone. He can choose his opponent for Wrestlemania and he has made his decision. Alberto says that he will make his decision right now. Alberto says that the championship he will wrestle for is the . . .
It is time to be Awesome, but we still have to hear Michael Cole gush over the most electrifying man crush in sports entertainment. Miz comes to the ring.
Miz congratulates Alberto for winning the biggest Royal Rumble in history. It is almost as important as winning Money in the Bank, cashing it in, and beating Randy Orton three times to retain his title. Miz tells Alberto that he hopes he faces him at Mania because he knows that he will be champion.
Miz says that Edge will lose his title at the Elimination Chamber. Miz says that Edge was celebrating last night and he was telling everyone that he would beat Alberto at Wrestlemania. He says that Edge said that Alberto’s cars were rentals. Miz says that you can ask Alex. Alex says that he heard Edge say that he has no respect for a second rate JBL and Tito Santana knock off.
Alberto says that he knows Miz and he says that it is a ploy to make Alberto choose Edge instead of him. Alberto wants to know if Miz is lying to him. Miz responds with a few ‘reallys’. Miz says that Edge is afraid of Alberto because of what Alberto did to Edge’s buddy, Edge. Miz says that he wanted to tell Alberto the truth.
Edge’s music plays and he comes out to the ring. Edge tells Alberto that Miz is right. He says that he does not like Alberto and he does not respect him. Edge says that he would never say those things behind Alberto’s back, he would tell it to Alberto to his face. Edge says that he will be champion at Wrestlemania and he will beat Alberto. Edge says that he is the rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrated rrrrrrrrrrrrrr superstar, but we already knew that.
Alberto says that it is his destiny to be the greatest of the great and at Wrestlemania he will be the new . . . World Heavyweight Champion.
Edge congratulates Alberto and he punches Alberto.
The band, Miz, and Riley leave the ring. Alberto kicks Edge and then he goes el kabong on Edge and then puts Edge in a cross arm breaker.
Alberto picks up the World Title belt and then he leaves the ring.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we have a moments ago moment of Alberto Del Rio’s announcement.