By Richard Trionfo on 2011-04-22 22:00:56

This week’s show starts off with last week’s retirement speech by Edge with video footage of his career mixed in. We see highlights from last week’s Number Two Contender Battle Royal to see who would face Alberto Del Rio at Extreme Rules. While Alberto Del Rio will not get to face Edge, he will face Edge’s best friend for the World Title.

We are live on tape from London, England and your announcers are Josh ‘I need a raise to work with bubble boy’ Mathews, Booker ‘If Jerry isn’t going to call BS on the fake royalty thing, I will’ T, and Michael ‘King Ralph was more believable’ Cole.

We are back and the ring is set up for the retirement ceremony. Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio who drives into the arena. He is joined in the ring by Brodus Clay.

Alberto introduces himself . . . but we already know who he is. He says that nobody throws a party or fiesta like him. He welcomes everyone to Edge’s retirement party. Alberto says that he has brought all of these presents for Edge’s retirement. They are all covered up so Alberto can unveil them. The first present is a grandfather clock for Edge to sit and watch time tick away. Alberto imitates a clock by going tick tock. He says that when someone has an injury like Edge’s, you lose control of your lower body and cannot make it to the bathroom so he unveils Depends and a bedpan.

He says that there is nothing better in your retirement than friends. He tells Edge that she is here tonight and here she comes. Lita’s music plays and someone who isn’t Lita comes out. Alberto says that she looks a bit heavier but she has never looked better. He says that they can have some quality time together. If they want to have a romantic stroll, they can do it because Edge has his walker.

Alberto says that he has one more gift and it is Edge’s new ride. Ricardo comes out in a scooter and he even gets Edge’s pyro after mimicking him. Alberto says that Edge can go everywhere he wants. Alberto says that Edge also gets his own handicapped parking pass so he can park anywhere.

This is all due to the Essence of Excellence and the man who will be the new World Champion after Extreme Rules . . . Albertoooooooooooooooooooo Del Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrio.

Edge’s music plays and he comes out and he has something to say. Edge says that Alberto looks surprised to see him. Edge asks Alberto if he got his RSVP. Edge says that it doesn’t matter if it is in Mexico, the United States, or London, England, he isn’t going to miss his retirement party.

Edge says that Alberto sucks and that he is a lousy human being. He says that Alberto is a horrible party host and he calls him a party pooper. He mentions Brodus, that weird looking Ricky Martin, and the fake Lita. There is about 1,500 pounds of poop and he says that it looks like one giant flaming bag of poop.

Alberto tells Brodus to get him. Edge stands on the ramp as Brodus makes his way up the ramp. From out of nowhere, Christian hits Brodus from behind with a ladder.

Christian and Del Rio fight for a moment before Christian gets the ladder and hits Del Rio with it. Christian goes into the ring and sets up the ladder and he climbs it and takes down the World Title belt while his music plays.

Edge likes what he sees but Alberto is not really in a good mood as we go to credits.